Golden Ticket

July 12, 2008,After waking up several times to pee and to take a pain pill I lied on my bed as the pain works it 's way up from my toes. I hope the pain pill I just took kicks in VERY soon. I start to think about how my life has been like and what will it be like. I'm trying hard to make small changes, but it seems as if none of my efforts are really making a good enough difference. Then a scene from the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory comes to mind. ( A lot of things from that movie has been popping up in my mind lately, and I'm not so sure why as it has been a very long time, since I've seen it) Anyway, I'm thinking of the scene where Charlie is feeling down in the dumps about not finding a Golden Ticket. He walks to his Mother's work and is talking to her about how he is feeling. She tells him that one day things will change. He then asks her when will they change, and she tells him probably when you least expect it. Could it be that I'm sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring? We all know that a watched phone never rings. Perhaps I should just continue to do what I'm doing and when I least expect it, I too will get my "Golden Ticket".

Lawrence and me

Lawrence has gone with me to MFS many times as well and he supportive of me but it is very trying for him as well to deal with someone with this disorder. It takes a serious toll on my entire life and the lives of those I love the most!

What MFS is

MFS is a place in my hometown where you can get support and medications for Bipolar disorder. It does help at times and other times I feel as if it is a waste of time...

Me going to my appt at MFS

Depression

I've been fighting depression since I was probably 7 or 8. Of this I cannot be sure as most of my childhood is a blur but I have felt it's effects for many years. Every day is a constant struggle with it's highs and it's lows. In 1999 I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder which a lot of people still do not treat it in the seriousness it deserves....